Follow A Student: Paper One
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For the first paper, the student was asked to write about the challenges
presented by the technological advances Pollan documents. Here's the student's
introduction:
Throughout the later part of the twentieth century
and into the twenty first century, nature based industries such as farming,
fishing, and logging have had to adapt to changing natural environments
due to the effects of decades of industrial use of land and water. Although
the demand for the products from these industries has increased with
the population, the means of their production are becoming increasingly
limited. In the case of farming, this has meant having to accommodate
the growing needs of fast food restaurants and grocery chains despite
eroding soil as well as threatening insects and disease. Currently,
these dangers are being postponed by the use of fertilizers, pesticides,
and herbicides, which the farmer must continually apply. Although these
solutions will work for a period of time, they are costly to the farmer
who has to continually purchase and implement them. One solution to
this problem currently used is to grow genetically altered potatoes
which contain pesticides in their leaves. In Michael Pollan's essay
"Playing God in the Garden," he investigates the details of
the current implementation of genetically altered potatoes called "New
Leafs" by a corporation named Monsanto. As Pollan discovers, the
use of this technology brings about issues of corporate responsibility
for public health, potential monopolization, and the question of labeling
such products in the marketplace. Currently, the addition of New Leafs
in potato farms has been poorly regulated and is in need of reform.
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This first paper received a passing grade, and here's what
the instructor had to say in the end comments:
You have continued to improve your essay, and you establish some
good points with relevant quotes. While you do a better job integrating
Pollan's essay into the discussion this time around, there are still
moments where you stray and speak of issues re. biotech as a much more
general basis. Remember to stay "in conversation" with the
essayist as you write your paper. Good start, though.
Notice how the comments underscore the drafting process:
the student has "continued to improve" and does a better job
"this time around." Instructors comment on the rough draft for
the first essay, and this student clearly responded to those comments.
More importantly, the student has already begun to find ways of focusing
her or his discussion by working "in conversation" with Pollan.
The student clearly had a good start for the semester with
this paper. Now let's take a look at the second paper.
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