Gradatorium: This is an A

This is an A

Here are the introductory paragraphs and the fourth and sixth body paragraphs from an A paper. We include so much of the full paper here because this student demonstrates adept handling of a “discussion” of the texts, as requested in the assignment below. Rather than focusing primarily on the question at the conclusion of the assignment, this student develops a compelling and complex project that builds, paragraph by paragraph, through to the paper’s conclusion. We strongly recommend that you download and read the entire paper to see this development fully.

The student was asked to write her fourth paper on Lauren Slater’s essay, “Dr. Daedalus,” and Susan Blackmore’s chapters, “Strange Creatures” and “The Ultimate Memeplex.” Here is the assignment question:

Your project is to discuss Slater’s question of whether we have a “protean self” or a “fundamental core,” Susan Blackmore’s theory of the self and its relationship to “memes,” and your own response to the question asked by Slater: “‘So, do you believe we are just in essence protean, that there is nothing fundamental, or core, to being human?’”

The Untouchables

Susan Blackmore’s book{chapter,} “The Ultimate Memeplex {,} ” and Lauren Slater’s essay, “Dr. Daedalus{,}” both deal with the notion of the highs and lows of human evolution. Human beings are thought to be the only creatures capable of having a soul, free will, and an intelligence that supercedes that of other creatures. However, as{although} evolution supposedly transformed us to the best and most adapted beings, humans still encounter greater problems, through memetics, than that of lower species. Memetics represents the passing of ideas, trends, behaviors, or usages throughout society.

Humans are both threatened by the power of technology and the actual evolution of our minds and bodies. In a sense, we have become powerless against our own creations and ourselves. Therefore, “We have […] come to accept that we are animals created by evolution. However, if memetics is valid, we will have to make another vast leap in accepting a similar evolutionary mechanism for the origin of our minds and ourselves” (Blackmore 8). Blackmore feels that humans accept a similar evolutionary mechanism with memes. Such a similarity is comparable as a dual mechanism shared between memes and humans. For such a relationship to occur, it is likely that memes are at least a human’s equal. Memes are further defined as “selfish replicators” capable of power: “We, alone on earth, can rebel against the tyranny of the selfish replicators” (219). Blackmore’s quote reveals that although humans have power, these minute “things” called memes have power over us. Humans have had an evolutionary relationship with the selfish replicators since our creation{;} Blackmore raises the issue of a power struggle between the two, and makes one think that the memes may always have had power over humans.

Slater also deals with the issue of a power struggle; however, but this struggle is a direct result from human ideas, as demonstrated through technology:

Although we usually assume technology is somehow deepening the rift between nature and culture, it also can do the opposite. In other words, technology can be, and often is, extremely primitive, not only because it allows people a sort of id-like, limbic-driven power but also because it can provide the means to toggle us down the evolutionary ladder, to alter our brains, struck in their rigid humanness, so that we are at last no longer landlocked. (Slater 18)

Technology is no longer a thing; it is personified as a creation capable of threatening our existence. As{Though} humans have always been creating technologies to supposedly better human life, it{they} may actually be hurting us. Also,{S}ince technology has been transforming into a greater power since day one, as memetics has, this raises the question as to if memes are expressed through our human technologies and are capable of destroying us in their interchangeable relationships.

One may wonder how we can be powerless against tiny little things called memes. Simply speaking, one may also think that consciousness is associated with free will and that one is in control of their{his or her} life due to the choices one makes for his or herself; however, this is not always the case. As demonstrated though Slater, the notion of “proteanism” allows humans to shift shapes and alter their bodies. There is “nothing authentic” (Slater 15) about are{our} protean abilities because the changes we make within ourselves do not represent our genuine humanness. Our newly god-like ability to morph defies our humanness; we may be escaping the realm of our humanness and there may be no turning back once we enter this stage. Such an act can result in us being everything or nothing. We think we have control over our bodies by making such choices, but Slater suggests otherwise: “Rosen is in our face making us face up to the fact that the inner and outer connections have crumbled. In our ability to be everything are we also nothing?” (Slater 15). The connections within ourselves have crumbled, for we are allowing our essential human connections to crumble at the hands of technology. As our powers are slowly falling down the evolutionary ladder, from humans to technology, they may also be falling to memes. Blackmore suggests this power represented by the memes: “Instead of thinking of our ideas as our own creations, and as working for us, we have to think of them as autonomous selfish memes, working only to get themselves copied. We humans, because of our powers of imitation, have become just the physical ‘hosts’ needed for the memes to get around. This is how the world looks from a ‘meme’s eye view’” (Blackmore 9). This quote also suggests that we are not in control of our lives, but memes are, through their replicator powers. Blackmore takes this idea a step further when she reveals: “Further experiments showed that with short stimuli (too short to induce conscious sensation) people could nevertheless guess correctly whether they were being stimulated or not. In other words they could make correct responses without awareness” (227). Consciousness is usually correlated with free will and the ability to make choices{,} but not in this case. The tiny memes have control over us as{when} we are conscious. If their powers over a conscious human are that strong, just imagine their powers over the unconscious individual, when we are especially susceptible to ideas. Such susceptibility is demonstrated through subliminal messages and hypnosis for example.

Memes represent a passing of ideas, similar to the idea of changing through Proteanism. As frightening as our future may appear in the face of memes and technology, a hope of sorts exists for humans because there is something “fundamental or core, to being human”. What defines us from other species is our possession of a soul. One of the many definitions of “soul” according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary is “our essential part”. Being that the words essential and fundamental have the same context in relation to the context of humans, our core in relation to being human is our soul. Evolutionary teachings, as well as atheistic beliefs prevalent among the science fields tend not to agree with the idea of the soul. “Postmodernism, by which I mean the idea of multiplicity, the celebration of the pastiche, and the rejection of logical positivism and absolutism as viable stances, will never die out, despite its waning popularity in academia. Its roots are too deep and ancient” (Slater 16). This quote reveals that proteanism and the rejection of religion has been a widely held belief since the beginnings of our evolutionary nature as humans. Therefore, proteanism has followed humans since we have developed belief systems. Yet, regardless of science’s constant strides in attempting to force people to believe in its theories, which may even disprove some religious roots, there will always be people who hold onto their religious beliefs and feel that man should act and look as Adam was when he was placed on Earth. {This belief suggests that m}an was placed on Earth with a fundamental core, and although the core can be altered, the core still exists. The self that exists with a soul is referred to as the ‘real self’. This real self is a “persistent entity that lasts a lifetime, is separate from the brain and from the world around, and makes decisions. Everyday experience, ordinary speech and common sense are all in favor of the real self while logic and evidence are on the side of the illusory self” (Blackmore 228). Based upon Blackmore’s definitions of types of selves, a self with a soul could not be an illusory self. Because science cannot prove a soul through logic and evidence a self with a soul would have to be the ‘real self’. Additionally, the real self’s persistent entity represents the soul, because persistence is capable of existing for a longer time, or continuously. Therefore, when the body perishes, the soul, in a sense, would survive. The soul is also separate from the brain and the world, as no one can place a finger on exactly where our soul exists, but it is commonly believed that the soul is capable of living outside of the body after death. Since the body is capable of containing a soul, theoretically speaking, our soul cannot coexist only in the brain, because as the brain dies with the body the soul would as well.

Download the Entire Paper: [ Word ] [ PDF ]

Please note: strikethrough or {italicized and bracketed} type denotes corrections made to this student paper by the basic composition coordinator. These edits have been made in the Gradatorium to demonstrate our commitment to grammatical correctness while acknowledging reasonable expectations in our grading standards. The corrections as indicated would not have altered the final grade of this paper.

Here’s how we read these three passages:

• The introduction: this paper is unusual in that the student does not address the assignment head-on. Instead, she takes an incremental approach, drawing the reader into her project, idea by idea. In the first paragraph, she introduces both texts and authors, a key term from one of them, “memetics,” and the key terms of her own project: evolution, free will, and the soul. It’s an ambitious but viable project, and it takes the following two paragraphs for her to set up the connections amongst all these moving parts. By the end of the third paragraph, we understand 1) that Blackmore suggests memes have control over human behavior, 2) that Slater suggests an evolutionary downside to advancements in technology, and finally, 3) that this paper will determine whether “memes are expressed through our human technologies and are capable of destroying us in their interchangeable relationships.” The student hasn’t yet addressed the final part of the assignment, but is poised to take on that question in the body paragraphs that follow.

• The body: in the fourth paragraph, the student brings together Slater’s idea of “proteanism” with Blackmore’s concept of memes to demonstrate further that humans may not have control over their own lives. This claim is striking because it flies in the face of our beliefs in free will and conscious decision-making. Introducing proteanism in this paragraph is structurally effective for two reasons: 1) it’s a new term, but it’s introduced in the context of an already defined term, memes; as such, it extends and expands the student’s discussion of memetics and human behavior; 2) the term proteanism also opens up her response to the final part of the assignment question, “‘So, do you believe we are just in essence protean, that there is nothing fundamental, or core, to being human?’”But as we find in the next two paragraphs, she has introduced this term strategically in order to push against it as she asserts her own position in the last few pages of her paper. This is a real “A” move when executed well.

She makes this move at the beginning of the sixth paragraph by re-engaging the idea of the soul as an alternative to memetics and proteanism: “Memes represent a passing of ideas, similar to the idea of changing through Proteanism. As frightening as our future may appear in the face of memes and technology, a hope of sorts exists for humans because there is something ‘fundamental or core, to being human.’ What defines us from other species is our possession of a soul.” In this passage she has brought together two more ideas, one from Slater and one from Blackmore, to assert her own position that humans do have a fundamental core. She then tackles a very complex passage from Slater, and delves into Blackmore’s “real-self” theory as a backdrop for her coming discussion of the soul as the “fundamental core.” Most striking here is that the student’s position will ultimately go against both Slater and Blackmore, and yet, she continues to use their essays to frame her project and assert her own position in response to the assignment. Again, this paragraph demonstrates real “A” work in the body of a paper.

• Other observations: in these sample paragraphs and the extended paper, this student demonstrates profound reading comprehension, and an ability to translate her strong reading practices into strong writing practices. This is not easy to do, it requires practice on every rough and final draft, and may take until the 4 th or 5 th paper in Basic Composition to start feeling natural. Secondly, this student is able to incorporate contradictions and complications of her own views seamlessly into her prose. This is not easy to do either, but is necessary in order to achieve the complexity of thinking and writing that you will need in Expository Writing. Finally, this paper has very few grammar errors, and the ones it does have are minor, mostly with conjunctions and prepositions. A reader can concentrate solely on the ideas in the texts because of the cleanliness of the prose.

Applying the grading criteria:

In order to better understand the following final assessment of this paper, please refer to the section of the grading criteria that discusses A papers.

This paper qualifies as an A because it satisfies the grading criteria for a B+ and then exceeds it in the following areas:

• the student’s original response to the assignment incorporates the more complex issues raised in the texts;

• the quotations serve to open and complicate the discussion rather than close it down;

• likewise, the student considers carefully the implications of each position she represents in the paper, even her own. In Expository Writing, this is called an “action horizon” – a place where the student imagines possibilities and solutions to the problems and issues raised by the assignment, the texts, and her own project. In this paper, the student’s work on the soul and its relation to the body challenges and goes beyond what either author is willing to concede. In this sense, she is writing at the action horizon, demonstrating the kind of approach to problem solving that will benefit her in Expository Writing.

• all paragraphs of this paper are essential to understand the whole, and they would not work in any other order. This shows how a student in basic composition can work from writing strong paragraphs to linking strong paragraphs together. An A paper in Basic Composition or Basic Composition with Reading is nothing more nor less than a series of A level paragraphs joined together as a logical whole.

In short, an A paper does everything a B or a B+ does, but better in all areas and with more consistency: sentence-level correctness, complex engagement with the texts, strong paragraph construction, and overall paper organization. The more control over all of these areas as a whole, the higher the grade. Successful risk-taking—emphasis on the successful part—will raise the grade a notch as well, as long as the skills-oriented criteria are being met.

Now that you have some sense of what makes each grade, it’s your turn to try and apply what you’ve seen in these papers to a “mystery” paper. It’s your turn to grade.

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